MaxwellDB It's me. I am the product.

Rejection Letter

Dear Mr. Drake,

Sorry for the six month delay! I am writing to inform you that Fitful Dreams Publishing has decided that your erotic young adult fantasy-horror-fiction manuscript, Bloodfire Knights, is not a good fit for our company. We do believe that you might find an audience through another smaller, less successful organization that is run by slobbering, illiterate troglodytes.

To be honest, we passed Bloodfire Knights around the office for laughs while eating lunch a few days ago. No one is quite sure why your knights are on fire so much, nor how "the blood of vengeful ghosts" can maintain a semi-humanoid shape just because it's crammed into revealing suits of armor, but what really killed it for us was the impossibly terrible romance between the daughter of the king of Merlinia and B-Positive, the jive-talking blood knight with a secret heart of gold who has emotional issues because he was a latch-key kid. Does a medieval kingdom even have jive or latch-key kids? Whatever.

Kelly, one of the secretaries here, fed your cover page to her dog. It died. I want you to think about that-- your title alone was so bad that it offed a Rottweiler. If the Muse might choose to visit you again one day in the future, please shut off your lights, sit still, and wait until she's gone.

Please excuse any crumbs or salad dressing that might be stuck to this page.

Thanks,

Theresa Maret
Junior Unpaid Intern
Fitful Dreams Publishing

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