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Things I Learned at Today’s Boston Tea Party Express Rally

I went to the Tea Party Express' rally on the Boston Common today. I took some pictures, recorded some videos, and learned a lot. I wrote down the things that I learned so that you, reader, might learn them, too.

Lawyers are, universally, people who could not get into medical school. Related to this: lawyers in government reduce the 'liberty' and 'freedom' quotients of that government's people dramatically. This is undesirable.

Lipton black tea in single-cup, individually-wrapped bags adorn the jewelry of the revolutionary class.

You can't be a racist if you say that you're not a racist.

American flags do, in fact, belong on everything. This includes the flags of other nations, dogs, and children. If something does not have an American flag on it--provided that it is not the Gadsden Flag--it must be viewed with suspicion.

American flags are, as it turns out, excellent for smashing signs that say subversive things.

Signs that say subversive things must be smashed at every opportunity.

People who say subversive things must be smashed at every opportunity. If cameras are around, simply make said people feel as if further provocation will result in physical violence. If cameras are not around, initiate physical violence.

If you can't break a liberal counterprotester's sign, smack some balloons against his head. That'll show them. Static electricity ruins hairdos, and liberals draw their power from their hairdos because they are homosexuals.

Team Edward is either pro or anti-Tea Party. Edward is pale, which is a point toward pro, but he also sparkles when exposed to sunlight, marking him solidly as a liberal.

You definitely couldn't be racist if you pay a black guy to say that you're not racist.

Harvard graduates are:

• Stupid
• Too smart for their own good
• Not smart enough to get into Harvard
• Foreign
• Unemployed
• Employed as lawyers, so who cares
• Definitely unemployed
• Possibly graduates of "The University of Iran," actually

You don't have to think very hard as long as you keep shouting "U.S.A." This is desirable, as thinking embiggens liberalism and could also attract ghosts.

Liberals do not work. When a liberal claims that he has a job, he is trying to trick you. Do not believe him. If he had a job, he would not be a liberal.

Sarah Palin has the support of wizards.

Barack Obama is:

• A muslim
• A socialist
• A communist
• A Nazi
• In cahoots with Freddy Krueger
• A Harvard-educated lawyer(!!!)
• Satan
• Nancy Pelosi
• The son of Nancy Pelosi and Satan
• Fond of spending most of his free time inside of a donkey's large intestine

Univision, of all things, is a cryptosocialist organization. Plus, they speak Spanish, so that's no good.

People who are anti-war should join the military. That way, they can make the war be over. By killing. How does this not make sense?

Seriously, see this black guy? How could you possibly not see him? Look at him right now. Not racist. He's black and everything!

Spelling is optional. So is penmanship.

Solid graphic design is homosexual.

Sarah Palin's voice is beautiful. It does not sound beautiful, but you had better acknowledge that it is beautiful.

This is a cool theme song for a serious political movement:

Also, Tea Party leaders are rockin' dancers.

In the end, though, who cares? We're all going to hell, anyway.

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